Change Is Hard, But Why?
One of the most difficult things to accomplish in life is to change from one thing to another. Often times, we know what we are supposed to do, but there's this resistance that keeps us in our cycles. Why is that the case?
Join Temi Siyanbade, keynote speaker and attorney as she unpacks the source of this resistance and hope for how we might be able to push through.
Transcript
Hi, everyone. Temi here. And today we're
Speaker:going to be talking about why it's so
Speaker:hard to change and what we can do about
Speaker:it. All right, so tight.
Speaker:Hey, everybody, it's Tammy here. And
Speaker:today what I wanted to talk about is I
Speaker:wanted to take a moment to talk about why
Speaker:it's so difficult for us to change.
Speaker:So I am a
Speaker:recovering procrastinator, kind of. Well,
Speaker:I've I've done things where I haven't
Speaker:procrastinated before. I procrastinate
Speaker:quite a bit. So the recovering
Speaker:part, I don't know if I'm in remission,
Speaker:'cause I again, I still procrastinate on
Speaker:things. But that's besides the point. The
Speaker:point of today's thing is why it's so
Speaker:hard to change. Now, as I've said before,
Speaker:I'm not by any means an expert, but I'm a
Speaker:thinker and so I'm gonna share what I've
Speaker:thought about when it comes to this. And
Speaker:I think when it comes to change, the
Speaker:thing that's really challenging is the
Speaker:fact that we are going against what feels
Speaker:normal in our bodies.
Speaker:Right. Oftentimes we have developed
Speaker:habits. We've learned things from our
Speaker:environment, from our lives,
Speaker:from our natural personality traits
Speaker:that make us do things because and and
Speaker:they've become normal. They feel normal.
Speaker:The the thoughts in our mind sound
Speaker:normal, right? And so that becomes our
Speaker:norm. But then when we wanna change,
Speaker:we're we're usually trying to change
Speaker:actions in the midst of feelings and
Speaker:habits that feel. Normal. So for
Speaker:example, for me, one of the things that I
Speaker:struggle with is like going to bed at a
Speaker:decent hour. I'm a night owl, and it
Speaker:feels normal and it feels natural to
Speaker:me to stay up late. I know you early
Speaker:birds are like, she's crazy. That's just
Speaker:me. Like, it feels very normal to be
Speaker:like, OK, it's 11, it's midnight. Let's
Speaker:start. Let's let's have the ideas flow.
Speaker:There's an author, Daniel Pink, he talks
Speaker:about this. He talks about kind of the
Speaker:different types of people and the way
Speaker:that they function and kind of adjusting
Speaker:the day to fit your natural timeline or
Speaker:timetable. And so, again, I tend to be
Speaker:somebody who's a night owl. However, the
Speaker:profession that I've chosen to be in, the
Speaker:fact that I'm an entrepreneur, life often
Speaker:says that, hey, you need to be a little
Speaker:bit more of an early riser. And so I have
Speaker:to navigate changing from
Speaker:a night owl to somebody who wakes up a
Speaker:little bit earlier, to somebody who is
Speaker:able to get things done at an earlier
Speaker:place, to be able to serve the people
Speaker:that I want to serve. And the challenge
Speaker:for me is, again, the feeling of normalcy
Speaker:that comes from the habits that I've
Speaker:established. So it feels normal for
Speaker:me. To start, later in the day, it feels
Speaker:normal for me to have thoughts
Speaker:and ideas late at night. It feels
Speaker:normal to me. And so I continue to
Speaker:progress in that, that flow of
Speaker:normalcy. But I have to
Speaker:recognize and be conscious enough and
Speaker:intentional enough to say even though
Speaker:this feels normal to me, it's not
Speaker:what I want to do, and so I have to do
Speaker:things that feel abnormal.
Speaker:Right. And no one talks about, like,
Speaker:doing things that don't feel normal to
Speaker:you. It's like, OK, do you feel peace?
Speaker:And, I mean, you definitely should feel
Speaker:peace. I think that's a completely
Speaker:different topic. But in terms of some of
Speaker:the habits that we're trying to change,
Speaker:we have to push against what feels
Speaker:regular to us. So it might feel regular
Speaker:to us to eat a certain type of food at
Speaker:night. It might feel regular to us to
Speaker:speak to people a certain way. Maybe
Speaker:you're on this entrepreneurial journey.
Speaker:That's a big one. And you have a way of
Speaker:speaking to people, like a way of
Speaker:addressing your clients. Or
Speaker:addressing people where it's like, you
Speaker:know what, I don't take no nonsense. I'm
Speaker:not mad at you for that, but what I want
Speaker:you to think about, if you're being
Speaker:intentional, is if that
Speaker:still serves you. Right. That
Speaker:response that feels normal to you, Is
Speaker:that still serving the purpose of where
Speaker:you're trying to be?If it is, please
Speaker:continue, but if it doesn't align, the
Speaker:question that you have to ask yourself
Speaker:is, do I want this result enough to
Speaker:change?If I want this
Speaker:result enough, will I say yes?
Speaker:To the abnormality of being
Speaker:different than what's in my comfort zone,
Speaker:right? For some of you that's going to
Speaker:look like, you know, talking to more
Speaker:people, right? Putting yourself out
Speaker:there, maybe you're not a big networker,
Speaker:but the the, the type of work that you've
Speaker:chosen to do requires that, well, guess
Speaker:what? That's going to be an area where
Speaker:you're going to have to change and it's
Speaker:not going to feel normal to you. Change
Speaker:doesn't come from us feeling normal.
Speaker:Change comes from us doing things that
Speaker:don't feel normal over and over again
Speaker:until they become normal, right? And
Speaker:every now and then they don't become
Speaker:normal. But you make a decision to
Speaker:because you understand the divine power
Speaker:of choice that you've been given. And you
Speaker:recognize that that
Speaker:discomfort doesn't mean a lack of choice,
Speaker:right? Like, because I don't like the way
Speaker:this choice feels doesn't mean it's still
Speaker:not a choice. It's still a
Speaker:choice. You might be stuck
Speaker:between a rock and a hard place, but it's
Speaker:still a choice. It's still a rock and a
Speaker:hard place. There's still two different
Speaker:things you can choose.
Speaker:That's one thing that we've all been
Speaker:given the ability. We always have the
Speaker:power of choice. And I'm not here to give
Speaker:any judgment towards any choice. I just
Speaker:want you to know that it's your power,
Speaker:it's in your hands to choose.
Speaker:And so when it comes to change, it is in
Speaker:our hands to choose whether we're going
Speaker:to choose comfort. You
Speaker:know, or if we're going to choose change
Speaker:and success and to to to
Speaker:evolve. It's a
Speaker:conscious decision. It's not easy. I'm
Speaker:trying to make it every day and I know
Speaker:that you are too. And so that's why I'm
Speaker:here. Just trying to encourage you.
Speaker:You're not alone and you're not crazy.
Speaker:You're not crazy for feeling this way.
Speaker:Again, I've said this before in other
Speaker:videos. You're human, you're human if
Speaker:changing. Feels
Speaker:strange if it's not normal
Speaker:to you. But you can
Speaker:be courageous and say, despite how I
Speaker:feel, I'm still going to do it because
Speaker:I've thought about it. I'm being
Speaker:intentional and thoughtful about these
Speaker:things. I think the other mindset that
Speaker:can kind of help when it comes to the
Speaker:element of change and feeling comfortable
Speaker:with it is also recognizing that you can
Speaker:change for a moment to test something
Speaker:out. And and be genuine in your
Speaker:testing of it out. I know sometimes
Speaker:people do things to say, hey, I tried,
Speaker:but they're not really actually trying.
Speaker:But to really be genuine about trying
Speaker:something out and allowing the data, the
Speaker:response from those attempts to to help
Speaker:inform your future choices. Right.
Speaker:So I'm going to try to be consistent with
Speaker:my networking for the next month, for the
Speaker:next two months, for the next three
Speaker:months. I'm going to try. And I'm not
Speaker:even going to try. I'm going to be
Speaker:consistent. I'm going to make a decision
Speaker:every day that yes, I don't feel like it,
Speaker:but I'm not even thinking about how I
Speaker:feel. My decision, my choice is not going
Speaker:to be based off of how I feel because I
Speaker:already know that the feeling that I'm
Speaker:going to feel is going to not be normal,
Speaker:right? Like, I already know I'm not going
Speaker:to like it, but I'm choosing to look
Speaker:beyond it, all right? I'm
Speaker:choosing to endure. Because of what I'm
Speaker:saying my focus on.
Speaker:I hope that makes sense. All right.
Speaker:That's all I have for today. I hope this
Speaker:is helpful. Please let me know and if
Speaker:there are any other things that you want
Speaker:me to talk about, you know, just drop the
Speaker:questions in the description or in the
Speaker:comment section below and we'll talk
Speaker:about it. All right. That's all bye.
